Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
