How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
