i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
