I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
