He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
