I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize