R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
