we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Is it because I queefed?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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