On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
