Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
