Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
