Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
