they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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