We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
