Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
