i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
