Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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