I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
tell me about the fingering
Randomize