the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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