I'm lost and stupid without you.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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