Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think i got beer on your cat.
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