my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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