I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
