can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
