When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This is my gift to your gina
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
