I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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