K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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