His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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