i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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