Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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