Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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