I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Barsexuality is the new black.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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