I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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