if i can run in heels then i can drive
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Randomize
