So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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