you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
