I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
