we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
