HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
