as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
