Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I didn't notice because vodka
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
