Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
