College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
