I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
