I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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