Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
