you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
