Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize