one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
