Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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