Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
