It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
