Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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