So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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