so that wasnt chicken after all
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
