I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
