when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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