so let's talk penis.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just gargled with NyQuil
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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