Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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