ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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