You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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