MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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