He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
