we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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