so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
