I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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