What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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