You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
