Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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